the c & b diaspora

Starting Work/My life mirrored in television.

Posted on: September 30, 2008

I wanted there to be some kind of soundtrack to this blog, probably a nine minute instrumental of epic nature to swoon you through the grandeur of this post. At this point, I’m not sure how long this will be, so you will have to choose your own to listen to while you read.

So after being here for just over three months (its only been that long) I finally managed to get a job. Yay. I am now a temporary employee at HMV Trafford for the christmas period. Radical. Its not the biggest HMV store by any means, however it is still an HMV store and I’m sure the giant supermarket sized one at Oxford Street in London has probably 10 employees per year have nervous breakdowns because its too huge and too freaking busy. Downside to not working in mammoth-store: the creators of awesome television shows and other various media I would spill blood for do not visit. Example: the creator of critically acclaimed show The Wire, David Simon and one of its cast members, Dominic West were in that store last week signing copies of the season 5 DVD. So that would have been awesome, and had I been in London at that time, I would have visited and declared my undying love for them.

Anyway. My first shift was pretty interesting, aside from the usual training garbage that every store has, I am sure you are familiar with it. Spent about four hours on the till actually serving customers, so they are trying to get us up to speed pretty quickly. Given my lengthy experience with till systems and selling people shit (ie. Burgers) it was reasonably easy.

Strange thing about the UK, is that security/money/laws are really important. We get our persons and bags searched every time we leave the store, and all shit in the till has to be done a certain way, eg not having too much money in it at any point in time. Probably the only thing I am concerned about is the regulations regarding classifications for various items. If I sell an 18 item to somebody under 18, I can get a fine of up to £5000. Crazy. So I am a little stressed about that, because, obviously New Zealand, although they follow these restrictions are probably not as totally crazy/serious about it.

Maybe they are, I just haven’t noticed since I turned eighteen and grew a beard. People never ask me for ID for anything.  So I am hoping I don’t sell bad things to kids. I know that even if I refuse them, they are going to find another means to watch it anyway, I would have done the same thing at that age. I’m pretty sure my brother Steven was playing Grand Theft Auto III (or one of its descendants) at age 13.

Without getting into a debate and having some idiot go Jack Thompson on me, I disagree that video games cause violent behaviour in children. I played a lot of them, number of real life people killed by me = 0. Violent crimes committed = 0. Perhaps this is because I am not crazy.

At about 8:30 last night, some people were being served at the till next to mine, and I noticed their accents were not ‘local’. Upon snooping, and noticing the credit card they were attempting to use, I discovered they were from my home land. Fantastic. New Zealanders do actually sound pretty strange! I have thought up a really good analogy for this situation, I hope you enjoy it:

Imagine you have been drinking beer all night, and then, close to the end of the night you change and have a bourbon and coke and it is the most fantastic drink of the entire evening. Why? Because it is fresh.

So aside from comparing the English accent to a beer (hi Leanne ;D), it was quite a treat to hear a local accent. I’m kidding mostly, the English accent is a very strange creature. It is actually amazing to hear a difference in the accent of two people who live only twenty minutes apart. That is like people from Tauranga and Te Puke having different accents. Sure, Te Pukeians are inbreds, but pretend they aren’t for now. Even though I dont know where particular people are from, there are some English accents that I would only describe as ‘muddy’. Everyone and Rory knows that his English girl is one of the normal ones. Pretty normal anyway.

So all that to describe my joy at hearing some New Zealand voices. Maybe mine is terrible, because they didn’t immediately click that I was from where I am from. Perhaps I unconsciously try to create an American accent or something? Explain this to me.

Part Two:

Television and my life.

Tuesdays are, and have been awesome for about the last three weeks. It’s new season time in the United States, all my favourite (or formerly favourite) shows have started up again. Two shows I used to love have now become pieces of festering shit:

  • Prison Break
  • Heroes

Other shows have continued on their merry way, just being plain awesome:

  • Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles
  • Dexter
  • Entourage
  • Californication
  • How I met your Mother

The last one is the primary reason for this part of the discussion. Aside from starring awesome people such as Jason Segel and Neil Patrick Harris (yeah, Doogie Howser), this week’s episode was almost a total re-creation of recent events of my life.

Segel’s character is unemployed and spends a lot of time trying to find a job, but not having much luck. Starts to get a little crazy spending time in his house and getting rejected all the time. BUT ALSO: is trying to locate the restaurant in which he had the greatest burger of all time.

This is my life! Well, almost. I was not having a lot of luck finding a job, (obviously) and I am constantly searching for the best burger of all time. I think maybe I should write them a letter asking them to stop spying on me and stealing my life stories, because perhaps I want to write an excessively long and badly written book one day.

Because I can’t really think of more things to say, I shall share with you a list of my favourite burgers of all time (so far).

  • Lyttleton Farmers Market, fantastic burger. Contained what I have deemed the ‘meat fist’, picked onion, pickled carrot, bacon, cheese, and some kind of brilliant mayonaise. Only downside was while I was eating I saw the now infamous ‘Lost Cobra’ poster and almost choked and died.
  • BurgerFuel, Bastard burger. Minus mango. Plus stilton sauce.
  • BurgerFuel, Super secret V8 Vegan modification. I’ll just say its wonderful and secret.

Ok, thats it. Another incomprehendable rant about everything and nothing. I have managed to listen to almost an entire DragonForce album while writing it.

I think maybe caffiene makes me crazy. The world’s most widely used psychoactive substance: BELIEVE IN IT! YOU ARE UNABLE TO RESIST IT’S CHARMS.

Oh, and a really useless fact: The thing the dog is sitting on in the picture is a coffin.


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