the c & b diaspora

Living the hobo dream. (part one)

Posted on: July 29, 2008

So sometime last week, possibly at about 1am on a friday I was lying on a set of seats in a train station. I had been there for about two hours, and had one more hour to wait before the train to take me home arrived. The whole scenario was strange, there were probably about ten people, maximum, in the entirety of the Sheffield train station, half would have been staff members. It was one of those moments where I thought to myself, ‘Why didn’t you bring that notebook to write things down?’ It would have been the perfect moment to briefly note down things that would have made up this particular story. There is no happy ending, the notebook sat on my desk, far far away.

Now that the endings been ruined, it is safe for you to continue to read because you won’t be disappointed. It starts a couple of weeks ago, in early July. I was reading a free magazine, and I happened to come accross an article on a new razor that was just hitting the shelves. Now, as many of you may already know, I am an individual well versed in the field of shaving. Let’s clear one thing up before I discuss this any further; I was not born with a beard. So I was actually astounded by this razor I was reading about. The company who produces them, King of Shaves had spent about five years (apparently) developing this razor, which they had dubbed the ‘Azor’.  Here is a link to a brochure: GO!

Ok, so you’ve read the thing. I now shall bestow upon you, my unbiased, unadulterated, unboring opinion of this particular razor. Its funny. I have always been hesitant to use disposable style razors because I think they are terrifying and dangerous. Its your face and neck and you are taking to it with what is essentially two blades on a stick! I think a cutthroat razor would probably be safer. At least it gets you more street cred. Having had the pleasure of owning pretty much every razor incarnation from the Gilette Sensor Excel to the Schick Quattro to the Gilette Fusion Power I feel as though I am qualified to lay any criticism upon any razor I feel is deserving of it. Upon purchasing the Azor the first thing I noticed was how light it was. Light like a disposable razor. This was weird compared to what I was used to, I’ve been using a Quattro Energy until now, because it is the awesome. This however, does not have any batteries and may be as heavy as a disposable, but it doesnt feel like it could slice my jugular if I made a tiny mistake. I’m sure you gathered the basics of the Azor from the brochure, but actually holding it and using it will allow you to fully understand the wonder of this device. The handle is angled in such a way that you are putting pressure on your skin just by holding it to your face. Magical toothbrush styled flexing joints are what stop it from cutting you, while at the same time moving easily over whatever shape face you might have. The brochure has lots of buzz-words for all the various features that you can add to your vocabulary.

One of my favourite things about this razor is how easily hair comes out of the blades. That was my only problem with the Quattro razors, is that after a while of using them, even without the blades being blunt you were forced to give up on a blade because of hair clogging it that you could not remove. This is simple, you hold it under a running tap and water goes through the hole in the back of the razor and hair comes out.

In the past, I have been a stern opponent to shaving against the grain. Why? Because it’s just wrong. Those of you who do this should know already. Shaving isnt meant to be sore. With the Azor I can actually shave against the grain for an extra close shave and not have it burn like hell on a tuesday. Disclaimer: This against the grain shaving that I am partaking in is happening after I shave with the grain, as to minimise the amount of hair being cut on the upward stroke. Shaving should be a relaxing and fun activity. Some helpful and non-condescending tips from a seasoned veteran:

  • Shave after you have a shower. It makes the hair on your face softer, and your pores will open up.
  • Try shaving oil. Its strangely different, and good. If you are not wanting to give up using shaving foam/gel, put the shaving oil on first, wait about 30 seconds then go for the gel.
  • Never ever ever shave dry. Ever.
  • Take your time! If you hurry you will probably end up cutting yourself.
  • Use an after shave balm of some sort, it makes your skin feel good and doesnt burn like aftershave. If you want to smell good too, use aftershave as well.
  • And finally, don’t be afraid to grow a beard. Studies have shown that 8/10 women love beards.*

Thats it for part one. I shall grace you all with more sage advice or brilliant stories soon. The hobo dream shall continue.

*may or may not be factual.


6 Responses to "Living the hobo dream. (part one)"

i am delighted you are amAzored with our Azor. appreciated. will king.

Will King commented your writing? OH MY WORD!!!!! Hilarious to say the least….you are wasted at Jack Blacks record store….your ‘craft’ needs a column…..IT DOES…..I would buy the paper every weekend just to read your column Christoph….reviewer?

Hmm. As someone with a beard, I agree with all the above points, and can vouch for the factuality of the study. If a girl doesn’t like you with a beard, she should die.

The Mystic Beard Foundation has gone international. Spread the word Sexy Beard!

Sadly, I am a beardless male. I have tried numourous times, but it appears that all I am capable to growing is a Papa Smurf Beard….

Still, I shall take on your advice Chris, and thus hopefully turn my shaving experience into a much more enjoyable pass time.

P.S. Any advice on growing the perfect beard is always appreciated.

thanks for the handy tips with my beard, i will keep Azor in mind next time i give someone the beardered pash rash haha x

Christy, you make me proud. Everybody, follow her example.

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